Well I made it back in one piece from my trip to Indy! It was so good seeing my kids and grandkids! It does suck however that they are that far away. As I was leaving I learned another important lesson. Always be ready to swallow hard and realize it doesn't matter where you are, at home or a million miles away you can always and should always be prepared to be alone. It hurt when they left and when they leave every time and of course when I leave Indy now it's no different but this time it really was really hard. I see my son and his family at the start of their lives in the real world and am happy for them. Then I see my daughter in the midst of turmoil with her 2 kids since she's going threw a divorce and wondering what's next for her life as far as the next chapter or payment on her house. I see myself looking at long boring winter ahead at just getting by wishing for different circumstances in life all together but know it's gonna be the same old shit. So what I guess.
One thing that made it hard besides just saying goodbye to the kids and grandkids was the fact my EX showed up about 15 minutes before I left. Of course flaunting her boob job and he figure that she works at everyday to keep in shape. But it really got me to thinking for the 6 hour ride home about allot of things. It's kind of funny how things work out as I really don't care one way or the other as far as what my EX wife does with her life but she still gets under my skin that after all the bullshit I went through and how she treated me and our kids that things have worked out as they have. (My kids live close to her because she married well on the 3rd try) Under my skin because I hated the woman for some time after she left but got along with her because of the kids and for their sake. (I did get over the hate for my own selfish reasons called self preservation) Under my skin because she made such a fool of me for believing in her because she said I could trust her when she was running with her "friends" and meeting others in hotel rooms. Under my skin because now she's set for life. (The guy she married is so much better than her). Sure she's fake and I know that but it still gets under my skin. The biggest reason she gets under my skin is because I never got over the idea that she made a fool out of me because she slept with all my best friends and not only they got to laugh at me but so did everyone else. It took me close to 15 years to get over this little incident but to some that's all it's considered to be. (a little incident) I have graduated into learning how to try and believe people on their word but it's not easy and seems every time I've been in a relationship since then that the same thing is said to me.(I'm not her) And it happens anyway. Scars run deep and most can't comprehend it's something you can't just shut off but so be it. At the present time I am in what I feel to be a trusting relationship but of course I hate having the envelope pushed but so be it and I've adjusted.
I guess you could say that my EX has condemned me to not being a very trusting person in this manor and most my relationships since have made it worse. I do have to ask though,,,why does it in some way feel like a guilty pleasure that I know she's doing the same thing to her 3rd husband? I'm sure he still gets the love letters, the Saturday afternoon delights when he's around and even a surprising visit at the office once in awhile(of her checking up on him) That is her motive, when this stops something most likely would be up that's a little more serious but I don't see that happening since he is her golden goose.(although she's positioned herself in a very good position if it does). She always did have a motive behind everything she did. (can't help but wonder what she did to get him to pay for her new tits) I wouldn't wish this BS on anyone in the world but we all know it happens but why do I feel this way and at the same time pity him as I know he's still another pawn in her survival?
Back to the story of my trip it was absolutly great and I'm glad I went when I did as I know it's gonna be probably March before I have another chance. God how they grow! Now that this trip is done I can start scratching out other things on my list before the snow flys.
1 comment on Gettin Ready for a Boring Winter!
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"Be ye not unequally yoked together." That is exactly what that means. A moral, decent, trusting person, is not supposed to have a legal arrangement with a person who is not looking to G_d for their reason for being. There are true tests to know if you want to be connected legally to someone if you are "of G_d". What is their relationship to G_d? Is their G_d money, position, and power? People who have constantly looked for bigger and better, greener pastures, are never satisfied because they are desperately unhappy with themselves, and no person can change that. G_d can, but no person can. Do not seek out a shallow, self serving entity, and do not fret over losing one. Sometimes, that actually can be the greatest thing that ever, ever, ever happened, excepting salvation, to you. Be so very, very careful, that now that you are free, that you don't get back into a situation where you are unequally yoked. I see sun coming up over your head. It looks like you live somewhere with animals, and this spring may be "your" spring where the daffodils and hyacinths are strewn along your path. You mention the torture of all your friends doing you in with the whoring around, and people laughing. No one with any brains whatsoever in the whole world laughs at adultery nor the person who was faithful. Faithful trumps unfaithful in any venue on earth. It's not a laughing matter to commit adultery, and it is nothing for which you should have any feelings of shame over. Everybody in my whole life to whom I gave my love was unfaithful. I never felt I should be ashamed. To me, I wonder how they can stand what they did to me. It seems like they have repented of it, but they have not asked me for forgiveness, so who knows, but one thing I know is.....I lived the same thing as you. I never was unfaithful in my whole life. However, I never felt I had been shamed by their unfaithfulness, I felt that they had wronged the best thing they could ever hope for in twenty lifetimes, and they were the greatest, greatest, greatest losers for sinning against G_d, and man. Count your blessings, beloved. You are free to begin anew. Winter is in your life now, but Spring is "a coming." I feel it in my bones. Blessings, Carol